Fireman Taff Fires Up

Mrs Fireman Taff said I should wax lyrically on one of those there blog ventures. So I took note of the feted fount of knowledge that is the Sion Barry's world blog and did that thing. Mrs Ft says I often wake up in the middle of the night chanting its mantra.

Anyways, for the inaugural journey into the blogosphere, I shall concentrate on my areas of expertise - fire safety and crayon collecting.

Today's Dinner Money Booty £2.67

Mrs FT found some slummy in her bingo pouch so I was quids in (well, 17p above the mean average lunch provision).

I availed myself of an Aldi Jive which is a Twix for poor people. I also succumbed to the meat and veg charms of the classic BLT sandwich on wholemeal bread. I have started to like this bread, having been put off many years ago when I discovered the Hovis ads were not actually filmed in Yorkshire. Thank goodness we still have Blue Peter and the Western Mail to trust.

Mrs FT is usually too busy with her pilates to give me a proper butty box in the traditionally prescribed manner, so I have to use subterfuge to gain extra pennies. I'm particularly fond of Auntie Mervyn (we don't ask) and her gifts to Daughter Taff and Son Taff. I have told them that the money is quite safe in the porpoise piggy bank but investments may go up or down.

Anyway, if she wants to dress as Bluebeard, she should do so in her own time, not my sandwich time. there, I've said it. As my granny used to say when she came back from the sea, 'you've got to put your firm hand down with an iron fist.'

This leads me to today's Random Philosophy (ahem)

You can't make a pig's ear out of a sow's purse.

Fire stations are funny places vol. 1

Banter is the middle name of our humble abode, which is why the 'O' and 'N' of station don't rightly fit on the sign.

Let me introduce you to some of the characters in our gang:

Captain (Jack) Daniels: known as Fiery Jack even though his name is Arnold.

Can Lad Eddie: work placement from St Noddfa Correctional unit

Fireman Lech: from Krakow. He is here so we can make great jokes about Firemen's poles

Fireman Ricketts: an old timer suffering fro lack of vitamin D.

Can lad Eddie is a one. Today he said, 'why do I have to make the tea?'

Fireman Jennings put him right. 'You makes the teas as you has the moniker'

'He wanted Monica (office secretary)!' pipes up Fireman Muller. Who says, German sense of humour there is no.

'When will I get a proper blaze?', cries Eddie, 'after all, I am 36.'

Maybe next time we has a fabulous arson job we'll give him the baptism of fire he yearns for.

We had a bit of a drill today. Funny how an actual drill has bits too. such are the ironies we firefighters have to contend with.

We practised our door step manoeuvres. ' Excuse me darlin' would you like a nice free smoke alarm.?' Text book.

Fireman Reynolds acquitted himself well but the side was let down by trainee Fireman Collins. He used to be a Jehovah's Witness so he thinks he knows it all but he has no experience of getting past the door. Still he did treat us to a moving sermon on the burning bush.

He got some flack from the Captain which would be more funny if we were in Camberwick Green.

Fireman J******* has taken a shine to the local pigeon, Archie. who said people in uniform can't love animals? did Adolf Hitler not like dogs and pygmy aardvarks? He fed it today with his corned beef sarnies expertly prepared by his spouse. Out of respect I have concealed his identity lest Mrs Jennings reads this increasingly popular blog.

THE STATS

No. of call-outs 22

No. of actual fires 0

No. hobnobs eaten 11

Post call-out pints 12

No. of stupid questions from Can Lad Eddie 7

So.........stay safe, unplug thine plugs and enjoy a third degree burns free day.

Crayon of the day....................Crayola 1974 series Flesh Pink......................hmm.

NO FT.......NO COMMENT