Money To Burn

Can Lad Eddie is in charge of our tontine. This was mostly down to the fact that we were all drunk on Brains SA when the decision was made. Although we have tremendous faith in the lad, all talk has been over the recent problems with Northern Rock. We had to laugh at the thought of muggers tuning into Sky News and noticing which customers had drawn out the most cash.

Can Lad Eddie says he thinks he invested our funds in the Portmeiron Mutual Assurance Company. He remembers something about being chased by a big ball but cannot remember his account number. Anyway, the annual trip to Faliraki is looking a bit dodgy if we cannot get access to our profits. This is all sounding like the great 1989 crisis when ex-Fireman Leeson ran off with all the money after putting half of the cash on Champagne Charlene in the 2.35 at Kempton.

The car wash was a great success, only marred by the failure of Western Mail's Tolstoy, Lowri Turner, to turn up. Fireman Rasmusen was certain she had agreed to clean vehicles whilst reciting the complete works of Chaucer, but he may have been dreaming. Anyway, we look forward to her incisive comments on the banking crisis. She'll know what to do.

Fireman Norton is not a big fan. He was hoping to stand for the Welsh Assembly, but apparently Ms Turner put the mockers on this by suggesting that gays should not be running the country. She has of course got millions of gay friends so she is allowed to say this.

Still no word about the calendar photo shoot but I know Fireman Dahl has been sneaking to the gym instead of joining his hard working colleagues at the Boyce for post call-out pints.

STATS

No. of calls 13

No. of fires 0

No. of calls for Fire Surround firm 4

No. of Can Lad Eddie's shaving cuts 5

No. of hobnobs 6

No. of post call-out pints 13

You is what you eat

Mrs Fireman Taff tried to get last week's change back but I managed to win the argument by climbing out of the window while she was looking for the hammer. I also found some pools money by the clock so I was able to splash out on a Mr. Hussein special of chargrilled chicken on ciabatta with an arousing mayonnaise accompaniment. Crisps were a Doritos substitute which were demolished with a Fred Dibnah relish and galaxy bar. No drink today as I relied upon the liquid replenishment of the Wetherspoons new establishment, The Charlotte Church.

Today's random Philosophy Bit

It's nice to be first in the queue, but in scrabble it is better to have a triple word score with the Q.

A policeman entertains Northern Rock customers waiting to meet Lowri Turner with a rousing rendition of Abba's Money Money Money.

Remember, if you have money to burn, check that Mrs Gregson hasn't put her smalls on the line, or she'll have you! Have a good, smoke free day.

If you need more information about fire surrounds contact mandy@firestationsurroundsrus.co.uk and they will send you a brochure. Thanks to all people who entered our competition. The correct answer was of course, They were all members of the Albanian Revolutionary Cadre that attempted to seize power in 1934.

Finally, Mrs Crozier of Llangollen has emailed to ask what has happened to the crayons? Well, Mrs C, there'll be more waxing lyrical soon.