Many people (thank you Frau Drinkelgrueber of Rostock) have been asking why the greatest blog named Fireman Taff has been out of fresh produce these past weeks. This was not due to the rumour that lawyers for Lowri Turner had asked for a more flattering picture to accompany any articles referring to Britain's favourite acerbic wit and raconteur. It was a software glitch that led to a photo of a monkey's bottom being attached to the story. However, I have it on good authority (from Can Lad Eddie) that if you click on properties on any online pic of the aforementioned litigant Lowri, that it says "baboon's arse.jpg". Not tried it myself but.....


Anyway, the real reason is that most of Pink Watch were off on our annual jolly, having used hypnosis on Can Lad Eddie to help him remember his account number. Very handy book Fireman Muller gave us called, 'How to hypnotise Can Lad Eddie' which he found in an Oxfam shop in Welshpool. This should come in handy when the little mite asks for more money for his tea fund scam- we know the difference between PG tips and Mr Hussein's 10 bob-a-million loose bags.


This year we flew off to Italy. There will be more of our hilarious escapades in weeks to come. All I can say for now is that Can Lad Eddie will be home for Christmas once the surgeons have removed the salami.


Getting back to work after a holiday is always difficult. Mrs Fireman Taff said that I looked as if I needed another holiday just to get over it! Sometimes Mrs FT makes me laugh so much I forget how repulsive she looks. I bet she is the first person in the history of the world to have made this comment. Maybe she is the new Lowri Turner.


I read in the papers at the station that some colleagues in the Bristol area got into trouble for coming across some men engaged in friendly firing. Fireman Tomsk doesn't like to throw anything away so they were all there for me. I hesitate to think what we'd do if we had a fire.


The ever-popular philosopher, Richard Littlejohn had as usual his finger on it. His underpaid thesis can be found here. The firemen, however, were on duty and we at The Station as we like to call our humble abode would like to put on record that we have never attended any dogging events whilst on duty.

STATS

No of call outs 11

No of fires 0

No of texts from Can Lad Eddie's mum 232

No of dogging events attended 0

No of post call-out pints 23 (proper pints not your Italian 0.3l cups)

Eats, Shoots and Loaves

Mr Hussein wouldn't accept my Euros so I had to break into Can Lad Eddie's locker to pay for the cheese crisps and ham batch. Mrs FT wouldn't fund me as she is still upset at not getting a Prada present. I told her Ryanair charge £10 for an extra bag but she wasn't buying it. Of course neither was I!

Random philosophy

Always use the phrase, 'When in Rome' when in Rome. I'll promise you the waiters will never have heard anyone use this witty remark. One said to Fireman Inzhagi (our translator) that as long as he was alive we would never pay for another meal in his trattoria. We heard loud screams from the kitchen shortly after and an ambulance was called but I'm sure there is no connection.

So have a great fire free day and remember, pasta can be fatal if you leave the pan water to boil whilst you search for the basil. Preparation is the key to happiness. Top tip: why not get the herbs before you put the gas on?

Any further information on fire safety can be obtained by emailing your query to:

ftaff@burnyourbridges.co.it

All contributions to the Free Can Lad Eddie Fund can be sent via any untraceable method to the following account:

firemantaffpensionfund, Bank of Portmeiron, 6