Fireman Taff in Italy Volume 1

Fireman Taff and the boys in Italy Part 1

Can Lad Eddie wanted to go to Lake Como as he is convinced from reading Wikipedia that it is named after his favourite singer, Perry. He bases this on the fact that other places have airports named after them....George Best in Belfast, Beatle John in Liverpool and of course Nigel Kennedy airport in New York.

We were a bit woried about the standard of loos in Italy; Fireman Rossini (our number 2 translator) said that it as like getting a treble 20 at darts with your back to the board and blindfolded. Can Lad Eddie's idea was to take his own wet wipes and plastic bags; an idea he garnered from watching women with dogs down the Trowbridge path.

The take off was Grade 1 text book, due in no small part to Can Lad Eddie's failure to gain access to the cockpit. sometimes the crazy anti-terrorism laws have merit.

Fireman Taff was of course upgraded by virtue of the extra air miles he gets from Mr. Hussein's shop and being the only person in full dress uniform. Can Lad Eddie's attempts at post modern irony by wearing a T shirt with the motif, 'Ryanair are a bunch of heartless shits' did not have the desired effect. Still, at least he was able to inspect the baggage retrieval system at first hand.

I volunteered to interrupt the seldom seen in-flight fare of Only Fools and Horses with a lecture on putting out fires in loos, but they weren't up for it. Maybe next time.

I did discover a new fire hazard whilst inspecting the cabin toilet. Whereas back in the Charlotte Church, it is perfectly acceptable to eradicate post-curry nite odours by striking a swan vesta, at 20,000 feet this tends to set off an alarm. Needless to say the mix up was sorted out at diplomatic level, but for the rest of the flight I was downgraded and had to sit with Fireman Maldini (number 3 interpretor).

No drinks were free on board in pleb class so I had to utilise the paraffin in the lighter that Fireman Muller had smuggled on board. We will not be coerced by Al Quaida into paying 4 quid for a tiny plastic bottle of sub-Jacobs Creek.

Fireman Zoff was quick to point out that the rain we encountered upon landing was a result of global warming and that Il Duce would never have allowed it. We are a bit worried about him as he seems to be reading a lot of revolutionary literature rather than the standard 'Fire Hydrants Monthly' beloved of so many of us.

More on our trip next time.

STATS
No. of call-outs 0 (although we will check the answermachine on return)
No. of fires 0 (not counting the toilet incident and check-in desk inferno)
No. of times Can Lad Eddie said he wanted to sit by the black box 8
No. of barley sugars 24
No. of pints at airports 17
No. of times FT looked at Angie the Trolley Dolly bent over 107

Meal Ticket

No Mrs Fireman Taff lunchbox today as she still isn't talking after finding Firegirl Tassie's number on my speed dial. We are off to the land of pasta so I look forward tio some spaghetti hoops or alphabetti treats. I found out that Mrs FT has frozen my Bedwelty Mutual Assurance Debit Card so I had to pinch some ham from the hotel's kitchen when Fireman Inzhagi created a diversion by waving his hands a lot. I was also forced to offer an Eastern European flute player a job at the station for some parmesan.

Philosophy:

Machieavelli : 'What's on TV tonight?'
Mrs Mac: Not much.......
Machiavelli: Oh well I'd better write some cunning political discourses then.

Have a good plane crash-free Emmerdale Farm episode and remember - if you're on a plane you have less chance of being run over. Source: Ministry of Daily Mail Stats.

Can Lad Eddie Update:

Donations can be made by any untraceable method to makecanladeddiesweat@firemantaffholidayfund.it